lori0513's Cancer Blog
October 1, 2007
| Just Me Venting | Views: 183 |
In my last blog I wrote about a former co-worker finding out she had breast cancer. She seen me at a wedding reception and told me she had been diagnosed. She wanted to know everything I went through. I tried to tell her everything I could remember.
She told me her first surgery didn’t clear all the margins so they would have to go in again. They went in again and cleared them and saved the breast. Some had spread to her lymphnodes. They staged her at Stage 2. She had her PET Scan done but was still waiting on her results. I remember that feeling of waiting for test results. I asked someone about her the other day but she couldn’t really explain it well. THe cancer had showed up in other places. I was so upset over the weekend thinking about her.
Well I just got back from talking to another person that Karen works with which also used to be a close friend of mine. She said that the PET Scan showed cancer on her ribs, spine & hip bringing her from stage 2 to 4. I just felt the walls closing in on me as she was telling me this. The doctors told Karen that her cancer wasn’t curable but manageable. This could be something that shows up in 5 years or 10 years down the road.
Of course now I am trying to not think about myself. Karen is having alot worse journey then I had, but I fell for her. Her kids are 14 & 7 and she’s divorced. I just want to sit and cry. And I still might do that. I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself for being scared about my own cancer and if it will come back. I know Karen’s situation is alot different then mine, but not it’s the fear of maybe they didn’t read my tests right. Maybe they missed something.
I am a little calmer then 15 min. ago, but I guess the fear will always show it’s ugly head. This weekend just wasn’t a good weekend for news. We have a guy in town that had breast cancer. Someone told me over the weekend that he has a mass in his colon now. It’s like when bad cancer news comes it comes with a bang.
I almost didn’t write this blog in fear that someone will read it and scare themselves. I know what it is like to read something and it ends up scaring me. So I hope I haven’t scared anyone. That wasn’t my intention….
All I can trust in is how I treat my body, in all my doctors, and most of all GOD.
10.11.07 - 
Thanks for your support -
Hi Lori,
Don’t worry about scaring others with your concerns – we all have them! This blog is a great vehicle to let all those worries out… so go ahead and vent! I myself am still trying to adjust to living my new “normal.” I will always have thoughts in the back of my mind; tremendous worries and concerns that this cancer could someday return. But, you and I have to also give ourselves credit… we did everything possible to ensure that this cancer is obliterated from our bodies. It’s human to worry though. So keep venting Lori. We’re all here to support each other. Live, love and laugh everyday.
Kelly
Lori,
The blog was created to be an outlet for emotion. I had a fight with my mother over the weekend. She does not understand why I am fearful now when I was strong before. The emotions have to let loose sometime. I have met so many women that are past the 10 year mark it is amazing. Also, remember that if you have cancer, breast cancer is the most cured. Keep the faith.
Melissa
I cried reading this, but it is a good reminder to live everyday and to tell the people around you how much you care about them. I am going to call my dad right now. Thanks for posting this! love, Jill
We are here to hear the Good,bad.
Love Sherri
Hi Lori,
I was so touched by your post. You don’t need to worry about scaring someone else. I believe fear is a common torment among all of us and it’s okay to vent to us about it.
You’re right. Fear is an ugly, insidious little bug that whispers doubts into your ear and tries to torment you, eating away at your hopes and beliefs that you’ve beaten cancer.
I go through the same thing. I struggle with it but what I do is work on controlling my thoughts. No negatives, no thoughts of fear or doubt about my recovery and victory. It’s hard sometimes, especially when you hear news that’s not good but I believe that even though cancer may win a few battles here and there, it hasn’t won the war. Sometimes, too, I allow myself a good cry, yell at God for a minute or two, and then I start to feel better.
I focus on what Paul says in Philippians: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Paul was so right about our thought world. I think it’s one of the areas where we can beat cancer…by not allowing fear to rule it.
You and Karen are in my prayers,
Grace